House of Mice
by HPgeek1
Summary: A day in the life of Nala, Zoey's overweight, complaining cat. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

House of MICE:

A House of Night Story from Nala's POV

_La de da de da…..bum ba bum ba bum_. I hummed while walking past the rec room.

Oohh! Look my peasant!

"Mee-uf-ow"

"Holy bejeezus, Nala, don't scare me like that," Zoey said.

"Well if you weren't such a nincompoop and could sense me coming we wouldn't have this problem," I said but all that came out was an aggravated 'Meeeee-uf-oww'

"Okay, okay. Come here my little orange fluff bubble."

She was such a pain sometimes. But I love her. I mean really, how many cracks can you make about my overweightedness… wait… is that smell… a … a MOUSE!!!!!!

"MEEE-UFFF-OWWWW!"

"Wow Nala, that had some feeling in it. Maybe if you spoke like that everyday you would drop a couple pounds…"

Ugh. Stupid wannabe vampyre. I could lose weight anytime I want to… maybe.

Back to the mouse. Where did the little pink tailed, cheese loving, pea sized brain, rat go?

My sharp eyes scanned the grounds.

I saw a little inch of tail whip around the corner.

"MOW!" I tried to sound like a normal, vicious cat, but it didn't work out so well….

Now I was walking my feline walk… the one that catches the opposite cat's attention… okay back to the mouse.

I saw it, so close, yet so far, from my point hidden in the shadows.

I stepped out from behind my hiding place, and as if I was being mirrored, another cat did too.

Skylar. Evil son of a full grown kitten. Its onnnn.

He was the only one who didn't fall for my feline walk… and that hurts.

He took a step towards the mouse, I took one two. He snarled, I tried to snarl:

"SSSSSSSssS," Skylar snarled.

"SssmuffSSsSs!"

Sitting back into a pounce position, I aimed and threw myself at my delicious dinner.

In midair, an annoying immature cat hit me and we both fell to the ground (landing on our feet), while the mouse scampered away.

"It's all your fault, you sneaky, evil-peasant-loving, scum!" At least Skylar understood my words, unlike Zoey.

"Well maybe if you weren't trying to impress male cats with your 'feline walk' then you wouldn't be so angry and try to steal mice of my turf."

Ughh. "Your turf… huh. I would believe this is Neferet's turf, unless you've finally turned into her _pet."_

I turned icily away, and did my best feline walk, just to annoy him.

"Nala," he said.

He finally enjoyed my walk…

"Leave me alone, _pet_." I almost snarled back at him.

Back in my dorm room, I jumped on my pillow and licked my paws delicately.

Zoey walked in with Stevie Rae (whom I only liked for head scratches), and brown pop in hand.

"Nala! I've been looking for you all over! What got into you by the east wall?"

"Muff-mowww."

"That was close to a normal meow," Zoey yelled proudly forgetting about the mouse incident. "Aww!"

Then she gave me lots of attention… the _almost_ perfect day…


	2. Chapter 2

House of Mice

Chapter 2: My Peasant's Birthday

**A/N: really quickly I'd like to thank the reviewers and people who have favorited this… I really didn't think my story was that funny, but I'll take credit! Hahaa. Just joking. Okay so this is my (and Nala's) twist on Zoey's seventeenth birthday! Enjoy… and review please!**

How annoying can humans get? I say, Zoey is a real trip sometimes. I don't think I can stand anymore babble about her problems with Stevie Rae (the undead dead one) and her mushed Christmas/birthday presents.

Seriously, if she were a cat, she wouldn't have these problems. Sure, we celebrated our mothers birthing us, but we usually got milk to remind us of our childhood days.

"Zoey…are you okay in there?" I heard Damien's voice come through the door.

"Um…yea… I will be out in a minute!"

I escaped before the hell could begin.

Out in the corridor, I felt free. Not that I wasn't always free, but Zoey's ongoing problems and insane lies stressed me out.

I focused on the dim oil lamps, and brick walls. Also, I searched for stray mice. It had been so long since I tasted the delicious meat… uhh… never mind.

I soon reached the large doors of the dining hall, and slipped (with some difficulty) through the 'cute kitty door' as Zoey calls it.

Inside, everything was amazingly dark. Dinner time was over, but they usually kept the oil lamps on… what was I getting myself into?

The door to the dining hall creaked as it opened. I hissed. I could barely make out the body, but it looked to me that it was an adult vampyre.

"Hello…?"

Good Goddess it was Zoey. For once she scared the 'bejeezus' out of me. But the scaring was not over… for her. The oil lamps sprang to life, and Zoey shrieked. "Shaunee! Don't scare me like that!" Sitting in their normal booth, was Jack, Damien, Shaunee, Erin, and Erik. Ugh, I was not successful in avoiding the party. I was heading toward the door, when Zoey picked me up and whispered in my ear, "I need you for this…my birthday is hell."

I mee-uff-owed at her in complain, and she told me she would get a mouse for me later. And we all know it was worth it.

The gifts were horrible. A snow globe…really? I mean the kid can't help himself, but really? Oh, and that scarf was insanely pretty… or it would've been if there weren't cheesy snowmen on it. Did the twins really think that Zoey would wear Christmas themed stilettos? OH and the worst of all was her own boyfriend. Why would he spend all that mullah on that hideous thing!

I could sense a few things from the whole scene. Number one, Zoey's frustration and anger. Number two, the other peasants happiness with Zoey's façade. And number three, the tenseness that was about to come.

I heard another door creak, and braced myself… was it Neferet, about to go insane on everyone? Or was it Heath? My goodness that would be bad… WHAT IF IT WAS LOREN!

But no. It was Aphrodite. She flipped her hair and stalked in like a model who owned the place. She sported a brown paper parcel, and practically whipped it at Zoey.

"This came for you. Nice party," she huffed. "Did the nerd herd set it up?"

Then as quickly as she came, she was gone. Thank Goddess.

There was still something fishy going on though. Ugh. That reminds me. Of the good days when I was able to hunt fish _and_ mice…stupid peasant. I love her too much.

Zoey squealed. It was not in horror, though, more in joy. I examined everyone's faces. Zoey: pure happiness. Erik: anger. The Twins: hurt. The boy couple: confusion.

TIME TO GO! I let out a sorrowful, yet excited mee-uff-ow before I pushed my way through the cat door.

Wow. That was stressful. Right now I definitely needed some comfort food.

I turned the corner and heard a familiar song….

"_Happy birthday to you….."_ sang the voices of Beelzebub and many other House of Night cats. How could I have forgotten my own birthday?

"Okay… now for the gifts," meowed Beelzebub.

"What? How many times have I told you no gifts?!"

I then stalked away unable to handle anything than thoughts of milk and mice.

I was sleeping when Zoey got home. She huffed through the door and fell back on the bed.

"I know you don't want to listen to me babble, but here's the story. My friends are mad at me. Erik's probably gonna dump me. My mom's and step-loser need to get into a mental institution. And it took me forever to find you a mouse," Zoey complained.

But she plopped the mouse on the floor, and I was quickly in kitty heaven…

**A/N: This story was meant to be a one shot. If you want me to continue… review… and I mean review your little fanfiction heart out.**


	3. Chapter 3

House of Mice

Chapter 3 : Kitty Samhain

**A/N: OMG! Thank you so much for the reviews! I don't need 600 but the 5 or so I get makes my day : ) Sorry I am skipping around through the year but good ideas only come so often in my brain… I just made myself sound stupid but oh well! **

Disclaimer:

Me: Nala, do you think you could persuade Zoey in doing her voodoo spirit junk so I can own the House of Night stories?

Nala: mow.

Me: What!? Why am I always rejected!? *runs away sobbing*

Nala: _mice, fish, weird person runs away, fish, mish, _KITTY SAMHAIN HERE I COME!

I was just minding my own business walking around the school grounds, when I _accidentally_ found Zoey doing her cool spirit circle thingy with her friends. Stevie Rae was still dead/undead so Aphrodite took her place as Ground in the circle… or wait was it Dirt… or Soil…? I can't remember which. As they called friendly spirits to the circle, I hissed. Cats are definitely not friendly with ghosts. The freaky transparent cold things remind me of when I was a stray… sleeping in gutters… thank goddess I chose Zoey. I hate being alone.

On my way back to the east wall, I saw someone. It was Loren, leaning against a tree.

"Hello Nala," he cooed.

"Hello man-whore," I mee-uff-owed.

Then, I walked away. Heck, he probably thought I was praising him. What a two timing loser. Yes, I know things. I spy on Skylar talking to other cats about how his Vampyre High Priestess is having an affair with the Poet Laureate Loren Blake.

Oooo! A brilliant thought just occurred to me! Loren was watching Zoey… which means that he's probably gonna talk to her… which means she's gonna fall for his evil plot… which means that she will go back to his room/apartment/place… which means… well, you know. Which means… okay I'm done with 'which means'.

I have to save Zoey!

I hurried to the East Wall trap door. Using my kitty senses, I carefully made it halfway back to the school grounds when Beelzebub said something very strange.

"_Hello my pretty_," she said with a weird drawl.

"Okay. Beelzebub, why are you dressed like a demented which? I am not Dorothy, this is _definitely _not **The Land of Oz**, and I'm trying to be the first amazing cat hero in all vampyre history. So move out of my way, Wicked Witch of the West, because I will so go Glinda the Good Witch on your furry butt."

"Gracious Goddess, Nala. I was only trying to be in the spirit of Samhain. You know, to help the ritual thing."

"They only way you will be involved in this whole 'ritual thing', will be by tripping the fledglings as they walk through this passage," I said.

"You've been a very grumpy cat for the last couple of weeks. Don't stress out over your peasant's problems."

"Yea, well now my peasant is either gonna go to Loren Blake's apartment or I am gonna tear up the living monster's leg."

"Oh. Well, have fun with that," said Beelzebub with fake enthusiasm.

(- -)

My plan was to spy on the 2 love birds *cough cough _fake_ cough* and then if little innocent vampyre poet tries to seduce my Zoey, well then my hunting instincts are gonna kick in… and by kick in I mean totally kicking a vampyre over 10 times the size of me's bootay.

I waited… and I waited. Fledging kid's made there way back. Damien and the rest of Zoey's friends came back, but no Zoey, and no Loren. Hmm? Suspicious.

I decided to go see if Loren had already had supergiftedfeldgling-napped my peasant.

I took the underground passage.

"_I'm melting! I'm melting!"_

"Shut up Beelzebub."

(- -)

When I stepped through the trap door, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Zoey and Loren were in the middle of a spicy make out session. Loren was practically eating Zoey's face. For real. He was licking her blood. And some other things that I don't want to mention. Totally gross.

"MEEEE-UFFFF-OWWWWWW!" And with that I attacked Loren.

"Nala!"

This was horrible. Loren was yelping in pain, and Zoey was trying to calm him down. I tried to get Zoey to understand by saying, "He's no good Zoey. He's a liar, and he only wants you so he can control you." She thought I was complaining my usual mee-uff-oww so she scowled at me and said, "Leave me alone, Nala."

Sometimes I wish she was powerful enough to understand me. At least I delivered her from evil a.k.a Loren.

Then I walked back to the grounds was so calm it was unnatural. I decided to stir things up.

"_Follow the yellow brick road, Follow the yellow brick road, Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow the yellow brick road…"_

"Nala, I swear you annoy the poop outta me," said Beelzebub.

"Hey. You started it."

**Review review review! Oh and by the way… I am going to continue this story because I was bribed with a magic sparkling cookie by someone who must be unnamed *cough cough emgem2000 cough***


	4. Chapter 4

House of Mice

Chapter 4: Gossip Globe Go-ers

Me: Do you know how hard it is making up stories that aren't exactly the same to House of Night?

Nala: Boo freaking hoo. Get over it. You know you'll never own it, even if you are a kitty con-artist.

Me: Do I look like a feline animal??? I don't think so. Way to crush my dreams and self esteem… wait… con-artist is an option…

Nala: Nope. You'd probably fail that too.

Me: *runs away sobbing*

Nala: Somebody get that girl a mood ring.

( -- )

Tonight was the 2nd meeting for the KGG. Ummm, if you are way out of the loop to know what that is… its Kitty Gossip Globe. It's when they major HON Cats gather to talk about some serious problems. Like where to grow catnip legally. Or like where to find quality mice. Anyways tonight, we had a serious problem.

_Later that evening_

"THERE IS CURRENTLY A FLEDGLING ALLERGIC TO CATS ON CAMPUS," I boomed throughout the audience which contained 10 or 12 cats. We were all huddled under a computer desk, our meetings were private. There were several gasps and ooos, and ooohs. "My plan of action: fill said fledgling's dorm with cat dander. Maybe this will scare the fledgling into leaving the school so our cats are no bothered with avoiding the baby vamp. I will leave you Nefertiti, and you Onyx to carry out this plan."

"Next order of business. I HEARD FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE THA-"

"Umm. Okay Nala, we get that this is important and all but we can all hear you _extremely well._ No need to SCREAM!" Beelzebub interrupted.

"As I was saying," I said while shooting an evil glare at Beelzebub. "I HEARD FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE THAT A-"

"Ah-em. I have been recently concerned about my catnip storage. When will the plants be ready for use," asked a cat.

"I will be glad to answer that question AFTER-I-FINISH-MY-GOSSIP thankyouverymuch," I said very impatiently.

"Well then… I HEARD FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE THAT A MOS-"

"Excuse m-"

"SHUT UP!"

"THAT A MOSQUITO HAS RECENTLY BEE-"

"Oh Nala, I just remembered the name of that one song I couldn't remember the name of earlier that was really catchy but at the same time annoying that was driving me nuts when it was playing on Erin's iPod and now its stuck in my head," said Beelzebub.

"_WHAT?!"_

"Yea, you know Shut up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings."

"No idea what you are talking about," I said.

"Sure you do, here I will sing it."

"Oh please n-"

"bum bum bum bum ba bum bum bum bum bum ba bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Shut up and let me go, this hurts I tell you so, for the last time you will kiss my lips… I aint freakin I aint faking this… shut up and let me go HEY!

* awkward silence *

"That was beautiful, Beelzebub," I said heavily laced with sarcasm. "Does anyone want to know my gossip?"

"I do," Skylar said seductively.

"Oh, Goddess," I said. Then passed out.

( -- )

I woke up, strangely, in Aphrodite's room, where her and some mountainous body guard were flirting… _bleegghhh._

She looked at me then told me to shoo. Evil hag. I walked into a room filled with steam and something that smelled like cream. I walked toward the sweet smell. My paw scratched something metal on the floor that oddly felt like a drain. I walked toward the smell, but to my surprise it was not milk, it was body wash… oh no! I was in a shower!!! You never know when the things explode! I heard a soft hissing that got louder and louder and the shower became more and more damp, then all of a sudden, I was stuck in a down pour of water coming at me in all directions. All I could do was stand like bambi on ice, thinking about how stupid I was and what an idiot I was to lead the KGG meetings. After what seemed like agonizing hours the satan shower turned off. I walked out of the room and shook myself out on Aphrodite's expensive furniture. Ha. It serves her right.

( -- )

I met Beelzebub out in the hallway.

"So what was the gossip that you wanted to tell everyone?"

"I wanted to say that a mosquito had been Marked because it drank so much blood but then it died after being Marked 2 hours."

"Ohhhh! That would've been great gossip!"

"Did it cough up blood," asked an annoying voice.

"Yepp," I replied sadly before realizing who I answered to.

This was going to be an interesting couple of days. Skylar wasn't being a total jerk. Zoey ditched me. Aphrodite shoo-ed me into an evil shower. Amazing what I go through. I wonder if Street Cats have calmer lives…

**REVIEW PLEASE!!! I NEED MORE IDEAS! If you can't tell, this story (to me) wasn't as funny or clever as my other chapters. I need some really funny ideas. I have no idea where this story is going so help me please!!!**


	5. AN! Please Read

Hey everyone! I'm sorry I havent updated in forever! I promise I will once I start reading the House of Night books again. I have 3 more to go. I would like some more suggestions because I'm kind of stuck. Again, Im sorry this story will be on hold for a couple months! Bare with me! Thank you!

Amber :D


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